London On My Mind

I am a born Londoner who has not lived in the city for a very long time now. My family always ask when I am moving back. Financially I am not on my feet and can see myself getting overwhelmed. Yet my cousins spent many years getting their act together studying etc and now are living the good life. For the past decade I feel I have not lived the life I wanted.

I do wonder if God was trying to tell me something a decade ago. My friend I met at uni mentioned to me that she had seen a trend in some of her friends. They suffered great losses in their life and got married not long after. I loss my mum a year before I got married and was still at university. I no longer had the options to simply go back and get more qualifications because my circumstance demanded that I work get rid of some debt and whatever. 

Now I have two lovely boys who go to a really good school. The head teacher is passionate about the school ethos etc. I have made some really nice new friends amongst fellow parents too. I have that community feel attached with it all. Growing up I had to learn to make friends quick and simply get used to not having them for too long. My mum moved abroad and then back again and different cities. So for me I went to 5 schools in 3 cities 2 countries during my childhood. Such an experience makes me weary about jumping ship and taking my kids back to my hometown too.

Watching them on the playground and seeing how they get on with so many people. Their friends being excited to them etc melts my heart. Yet I know of a former boss who through his job his kids had to change cities and countries quite often and seemed ok. I worry if they can't get into a good school and how will they adjust. Family is endless there will always be a cousin for them to get to know and play with.

So negatives aside there are more positives in moving. I would be living where I choose too. My last two homes I never chose to live there and have given me lots of anxiety. I will be able to see my maternal and paternal families more regular even should I ever not have enough spending money they will be near enough it would not matter. My friends and many family seem to get really happy when I enquire about London living I am sure I will be able to settle in quicker.

The opportunities I want and need for myself are endless. Aspirations are higher. I have seen many people leave where I am now and move to London. They are doing great. Yes it could simply be about a mindset but I just need change in my life.

I have done some research. Though do not know why such change makes me nervous. There are quite a few people it will be sad to leave behind. I will still try convince them to join me. My life here has become so stagnate almost claustrophobic. I need breathing space. I just wonder if the thought of disruption to my children's education is becoming my excuse. 

I clearly need a plan though I may have to become impulsive because I am so ready for the next chapter in my life. 

I welcome all thoughts and suggestions? What would you do if you was me?

I just don't know

I really need to reassess the way I view certain people in my life. Over the last week it has been made very clear to me that some well rather certain people do not have my back at all. How hard is it to be a friend these days? Really! Even so called family.  Even non DNA family as in the people who are only family according to law. I just do not know. I am not one for ranting on here but I just have to let off some steam. 

I asked for some important information and all I am getting from two people is tumble weed. It tells me all I need to know. I am done trying to be nice. Someone is going to realise the importance of this information in the the next few weeks. You can't choose family but you can definitely choose how you interact with them. If someone really knew about getting facts to match they would act on it quickly. I care enough to blog about it but after this I am done caring, Going to watch from the sidelines. I wonder what would Jesus do huh?

The above picture I saw on singer @Rihanna twitter page. About sums it up really.

Party time

My aunty seems to feel that everything I do involves my friends. This is not true. It is just that my friends have children and we bring them to one another's birthday parties. As for our own birthdays, we do the same. So when Aunty J called and I said oh it's my friends birthday and we are going out for a meal. She was like it's always my friend this my friend that etc etc. Maybe I am missing something. Dunno ;-\

Anyway's yeah. It was my good friends birthday. She is godmother to one of my boys. These days I am not out a lot just as and when. I do make the effort for birthdays and events. Credit crunch recession or not, you can still enjoy yourself providing you know your limits.

We went to a very pricey Cantonese restaurant. Unlike Chinese takeaway that just smells of grease, the food was light and yummy. I do not eat pork and am weary of seafood. I am starting to try but still have my limits.

Everyone just ordered what they would like and then we just all dipped in and tried what we wanted. I went for Szechuan chicken , egg fried rice, chips and curry sauce. Order by others was, barbecue ribs, Singapore chow mien, Singapore fried rice, prawn cocktails, beef.

The pinot grigio rose' wine was beautiful and went straight to my head. I was sipping it like pop on an empty stomach. Everyone was feeling the effects of the wine.

The night ended going to a a few bars and dancing her bums off . The music at the last bar was sweet. It was a mixture of dancehall, garage, hip hop, R&B and old skool. I can still whine and show dem young gal how to move to the beat.

We all enjoyed ourselves.

Back online yay

I have been gone for over a week I estimate. Well one day my brother came by and I was downloading paid for stuff and demo's only for my laptop to crash and never reboot. It just kept rebooting and would not get back to desktop.

My friends dad is such a kind man had a look at it and when he couldn't do no more asked his brother. He is one of those people that knows how to fix computers and basically he ended up stripping the whole thing down. The problem turned out to be that one of the memory sticks had died. At one point I was thinking I need to get me a desktop PC.

Saw a beautiful HP desktop in Comet for £450. I only had £200 and was this close to financing the rest in this ridiculous financial environment we are in. But hey God is good and I didn't do that I just said will think on it. But soooo happy my Laptop is fixed. It is running on half the memory it had but as it is XP and not Vista I can get away with it.

In brief I have been back at work. So weird seeing all the new faces and figuring out where all my work buddies are. So much to catch up on. Some I speak to outside of work anyway. Been in training on new products and a new department with hours to suit me and my childcare arrangements. I also have loads of holiday entitlement which I am going to book ASAP.

So far I have managed to get my make-up on each morning before work. I save time by not using foundation or powder. At present I can get away with that. Though if I could find a foundation or powder that offers sheer or light cover I would be so happy.

So exhausted and will be spending the next week gathering all my bookmarks again.

London is what it is

Oh my I am feeling so refreshed and rejuvenated right now. I just spent under a week in London with my close friends who I met at University. I have known them for almost ten years and they go back even longer.

My journey on the train was okay. I grudgingly handed over £50.70 to the cashier for a walk on ticket. Luckily I managed to get on a Meridian train which although takes 2 hrs instead of the hour and forty minutes of the faster train, it is a comfortable ride. Taking the bus to my friends area was alright too. London has the edge on public transport as you can just push your pushchair on the bus. No hassle with folding whilst holding the baby etc etc. Of course the public transport fares in London are expensive but you do get more out of your money than you would elsewhere. The underground is okay. But I have never been a major fan. Its hot and stuffy down there, however it gets you there quickly. My aunty prefers the bus as she says the Tube can often take the long way around. I suppose you have to just see what it is like for you.

Friday night was spent with the girls. We just chilled out and relaxed ate food and fruit juice. I wish we were sipping bottles of Rose' that would have completed the night nicely. I always get cussed when it comes to cooking. But I only cook because I have to. Curry goat/mutton is not something I cook all the time because I do not have a pressure cooker and it takes a while. I ended up cooking this dish for Sunday dinner served up with boiled dumplings and rice.

London does have some major issues regarding the youth, though this is a UK wide problem. I witnessed a group of teenage boys aged about 17 ish and two were fighting in broad daylight grabbing at each others throats. The positives of London is that its a cultural melting pot with loads of things to do from Museums and events in the park night life you name it London probably has it.

London is a hair haven for me. I splurged on hair products which I will mention in my hair journal real soon. I also bought hair to put my hair in single braid extensions as I so need a new hairstyle right now.

London brings out the best in me. I always leave feeling inspired to do better than what I am doing now.