London On My Mind

I am a born Londoner who has not lived in the city for a very long time now. My family always ask when I am moving back. Financially I am not on my feet and can see myself getting overwhelmed. Yet my cousins spent many years getting their act together studying etc and now are living the good life. For the past decade I feel I have not lived the life I wanted.

I do wonder if God was trying to tell me something a decade ago. My friend I met at uni mentioned to me that she had seen a trend in some of her friends. They suffered great losses in their life and got married not long after. I loss my mum a year before I got married and was still at university. I no longer had the options to simply go back and get more qualifications because my circumstance demanded that I work get rid of some debt and whatever. 

Now I have two lovely boys who go to a really good school. The head teacher is passionate about the school ethos etc. I have made some really nice new friends amongst fellow parents too. I have that community feel attached with it all. Growing up I had to learn to make friends quick and simply get used to not having them for too long. My mum moved abroad and then back again and different cities. So for me I went to 5 schools in 3 cities 2 countries during my childhood. Such an experience makes me weary about jumping ship and taking my kids back to my hometown too.

Watching them on the playground and seeing how they get on with so many people. Their friends being excited to them etc melts my heart. Yet I know of a former boss who through his job his kids had to change cities and countries quite often and seemed ok. I worry if they can't get into a good school and how will they adjust. Family is endless there will always be a cousin for them to get to know and play with.

So negatives aside there are more positives in moving. I would be living where I choose too. My last two homes I never chose to live there and have given me lots of anxiety. I will be able to see my maternal and paternal families more regular even should I ever not have enough spending money they will be near enough it would not matter. My friends and many family seem to get really happy when I enquire about London living I am sure I will be able to settle in quicker.

The opportunities I want and need for myself are endless. Aspirations are higher. I have seen many people leave where I am now and move to London. They are doing great. Yes it could simply be about a mindset but I just need change in my life.

I have done some research. Though do not know why such change makes me nervous. There are quite a few people it will be sad to leave behind. I will still try convince them to join me. My life here has become so stagnate almost claustrophobic. I need breathing space. I just wonder if the thought of disruption to my children's education is becoming my excuse. 

I clearly need a plan though I may have to become impulsive because I am so ready for the next chapter in my life. 

I welcome all thoughts and suggestions? What would you do if you was me?